Jokes Free for all Hijack at will

[R_W_B]

.... ... ... ... .... ... ..
The Newfie said, 'Why can't they play at night?'

Oh, the voice of practicality. IF it was alright with the blind fighters I would say that's a good idea. We need that kind of thinking in the environmentalist world if humans are to survive also. Just a thought, don't want to go political here. Very funny though !

 

[R_W_B]

I want one of these bad, just not bad enough to pay $20 bucks for one. If I wore one of these people would think I took an overdose of Propecia and it grew through my cap.

 

[R_W_B]

A policeman stopped a staggering man on the side of the road at 1am in the morning.

He asked the man what he was doing out walking at that time of night.

The man said he was going to a speech on the effects of alcohol abuse.

The officer asked who might be giving such a speech at this hour.

The man replied, uh that would be my wife.

 

[lorne]

A policeman stopped a staggering man on the side of the road at 1am in the morning.

He asked the man what he was doing out walking at that time of night.

The man said he was going to a speech on the effects of alcohol abuse.

The officer asked who might be giving such a speech at this hour.

The man replied, uh that would be my wife.

:a:a:a good one

 

[Rubyred]

A policeman stopped a staggering man on the side of the road at 1am in the morning.

He asked the man what he was doing out walking at that time of night.

The man said he was going to a speech on the effects of alcohol abuse.

The officer asked who might be giving such a speech at this hour.

The man replied, uh that would be my wife.

I've heard that speech more times than I care to think about! Thanks Dave made me laugh and the wife!

 

[R_W_B]

Did you hear the one about the Sunday the Preacher was preaching against the use of alcohol ?

He's about halfway into the sermon when a old wineo comes swaying into the church to get out of the sun. The wineo finds that it is air conditioned so he decides to come in and find a seat. The church was quite full so the wineo just kept walking slowly down the center asle getting closer and closer to the pullpit.

The Preacher kept noticing the wineo getting closer and closer as he preached on the perils of alcohol use. Finally the wineo had gotten within 20 feet of pulpit and just stopped and was staring up at the Preacher.

The Preacher was at a pivotal point and held up a glass of tequila with a dead worm in it. He said, you see this dead worm in this glass of tequila. I dropped this worm in this glass before the sermon and he was alive then.
Now folks what does that tell you about alcohol ?

The old wineo looked up at him and said, looks like to me if you drink enough of that stuff you won't have any worms.

 

[R_W_B]

Here are some funnys:

The Recession is hitting everybody....

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds,"
you need to call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is contenplating selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Celebrities are now adopting children from America.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

When times get tough, remember that laughter's the best medicine!

 

[R_W_B]

NEWS FLASH, MICROCHIP IMPLANT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD

The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the forehead.

When properly installed, it will allow the terrorist to speak to God.

The chip comes in various sizes and installation is implemented via delivery from the .223 to .50 cal injection apparatus used by technicians of the U.S. Marines and Army.

The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled delivery technicians (spoke of above), who also make the actual injection.

No Anesthetic is required.

The implant may or may not be painless. Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches and pains are extremely temporary.

Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site. In most cases, the injectee won't even notice it.

Any forgiveness or judgement occurs at meeting with God, the technicians only arrange the meeting.

 

[SixPak]

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Now that is funny!! Thanks for a really good laugh!:newsmile100:

 

[SilverFoXD]

A guy came home from work early and surprised his wife, who was in bed with another man. "What are you doing?", he shouted.

She turned to her friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."