Jokes Free for all Hijack at will

[R_W_B]

A guy came home from work early and surprised his wife, who was in bed with another man. "What are you doing?", he shouted.

She turned to her friend and said, "See, I told you he was stupid."

Ha that's one that tends to pull a laugh out. Funny thing though it reminded me of a true story. Years ago I hired on with a construction outfit. My immediate forman was a bit of rough and psycho kind of guy. He was just a bit on (sometimes over) the edge. But I needed a job and it worked out. We got on this sort of subject one day at lunch and he told us about catching his ex-wife in bed with someone.

He came home several hours early one day and saw a strange car parked in his drive. So he turned off his engine and coasted in. He got his 38 out of the glove box and entered the house quietly and caught his wife and some stranger in the bedroom. He held them both at gun point and would not allow them to get out of bed or get dressed. He then called the cops and told them the situation and that they better get there quick or someone was going get hurt.

He said within 8 mins, 2 police cars came sliding into his yard and entered the house shouting with guns drawn. As they entered the bedroom they told Larry to put the gun down which he did and then his wife and the stranger had to exit the bed in front everyone and get dressed. Larry said he laughed at them both and when the cops led the stranger and his wife out by him, he reached in his pocket and flipped the stranger a quarter and told him to go down on skid row next time and get somebody worth the effort.

Needless to say they got a divorce. A few months after that when I came to work one day and Larry was not there. The big boss told me that Larry had been locked up on felony charges and we never heard from him again.

 

[cossak]

LOL, I was a "butter bar" in Nam too, supposed to be an engineer but arrived at 4th Inf Div in Pleiku Aug 1966 and the G1 shouts "Oh boy! a company grade officer" Seems they were getting used up fast. So I turned in my sliderule and picked up a rifle. Best thing about being a 2nd Lt was you could get away with anything cuz everyone expected to see you screw up. Not so once you got that silver bar, then you were accountable.
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You know that reminds me of another story if I can find the admissible words to tell it. During the Viet Nam war there was a shortage of Officers. So the Army started this 2nd lieutenant program that rushed them thru. It was jokingly called the Shake and Bake program. Word was that many of the NCO's joked about this new toy by the Army called the 2nd Lieuy toy.

You wind it up, set it down, and it takes 2 steps backward and screws up :lolrolling

And please all you 2nd Lieuy's no offense, it was just a joke for the Shake and Bakes. ALL the officiers that I served with where excellent soldiers

 

[lorne]

a buddy of mine just got thrown out of the public library, yea he moved the books on "womens rights" to the fiction section.

 

[R_W_B]

LOL, I was a "butter bar" in Nam too, supposed to be an engineer but arrived at 4th Inf Div in Pleiku Aug 1966 and the G1 shouts "Oh boy! a company grade officer" Seems they were getting used up fast. So I turned in my sliderule and picked up a rifle. Best thing about being a 2nd Lt was you could get away with anything cuz everyone expected to see you screw up. Not so once you got that silver bar, then you were accountable.

Yep, the we had a couple of CO's that were First Lt's. Only had two captain's. (Our CO's didn't seem to last but a few months then they transferred somewhere else, one got killed by rockets). I salute you my friend, the infantry were my hero's. We all respected them immensely and worked with them on many occasions. Had a platoon of them live with us. You would have carried a weapon as an Engineer also in Nam (we were not allowed to call it a rifle). Some of us also carried M-79's and we all had them on Guard Duty. We had our own electronically fired quad 50's mounted on Deuce N Halfs. Even had our own mortars, you might could have used the slide rule for that. Once had a dud Willie P round come out and exploded on one of our tents. Burned that tent to the ground and kept burning. We had to dig a hole and bury it. Glad you made it home my friend. I would not have wanted to be a LT in Nam. Was hard enough just being an E-4.

a buddy of mine just got thrown out of the public library, yea he moved the books on "womens rights" to the fiction section.

No scorn like a woman's scorn. That's why God named them Wo..Man LOL

 

[SixPak]

I was at the post office, when I see a blond woman shouting into an envelope. I asked, "What are you doing?" The blond replied,"Sending a voice mail"

 

[R_W_B]

I was at the post office, when I see a blond woman shouting into an envelope. I asked, "What are you doing?" The blond replied,"Sending a voice mail"

Oh that is good SixPak. My wife is blond so we have special interests in blond jokes. This is one I've never heard before and will immediately send it to all of my wife's families email.

 

[glider]

Oh that is good SixPak. My wife is blond so we have special interests in blond jokes. This is one I've never heard before and will immediately send it to all of my wife's families email.

Better get the couch ready for tonight

 

[lorne]

so Adam is sitting in this wounderful garden with a blank stare on his face. God sees him as says "what is the matter Adam" Adam says "it very beautiful here but i am still bored, i have no one to talk to except you" So god thinks about this for a while then comes back and says to Adam " i have though about this a lot, and decieded that i can make you a companian" "We will call your companian Woman" She will love you, cherish you, never speak bad towards you, be your best freind, your comapanian in good times and bad, she will cook and clean for you, plus she will look after you when you are ill. But this will not come cheap, this is going to cost you one arm and one leg for me to make her... Adam says let me think about this....Adam then says "your right that is expensive" "What can i get for a rib":newsmile092:

 

[R_W_B]

Better get the couch ready for tonight

Yea that is funny too glider, just thinking about it in that context. Only my wife has had blond jokes from so many people (co-workers, family, friends etc) all her life, that she laughs at them too.

Usually ( I say usually ) I only see couch duty when I wake up with neck pain in the bed about 3am. Something about changing to the couch makes me go back to sleep.

It is funny though if you could hear some conversations between my wife and I sometimes. Her MS causes some loss of cognitive thinking so if you press her for a decision or something about what was said on TV etc, she sometimes will just give evasive or non-congruent replies. If you couple that with the fact that I am half deaf and going more deaf each day, it makes for some pretty hilarious exchanges between us.

 

[R_W_B]

so Adam is sitting in this wounderful garden .... ... .... .. "What can i get for a rib":newsmile092:

Whoa didn't see this till after I was posting my last reply (I'm a slow typer). That's pretty good, I heard a slightly different version that would not be good for public exchange. Seems Adam was a bargaining person don't it.

You ever wonder what it would have been like if Adam had told Eve NO, I'm not eating the fruit just because you did :lolrolling

Boy that opens up a whole spectrum of what might have transpired then.